According to published reports, the latest focus is the eradication of gang-sign usage.

Fantasy Football

Features include:

• Draft Guide | Live Draft Application
• Real-Time Scoring | Expert Analysis
• League Stories, Polls, Boards & More
Create A League Today!

This preventative measure was perhaps inspired by the NBA, which fined Boston Celtic Paul Pierce and Washington Wizard DeShawn Stevenson for committing "menacing gestures." It is believed these gestures were offered as a means to menace each other. It also has been rumored that Pierce's hand gesture was nothing more than a subtle, digitally rendered reminder of Stevenson's hideous regular-season field-goal percentage.

Anyway, recognizing the scant possibility that some of its players may at least pretend to have gang affiliations, FOXSports.com has learned (and in this case, by "learned" we really mean "completely made up") the NFL has created Anti-Gang Hand-Activated Sign Tactics (AGHAST). Insiders insist that the hand maneuvers loosely construed as gang-related are limited to on-field celebrations. Unfortunately, it should be noted, at least one NFL player interprets every play as worthy of celebration.

Although a comprehensive plan to nip these gestures in the bud is forthcoming, the NFL already has dipped into the private sector to deploy a pair of experts in gang-sign throwing. These experts — referred to as Agents XXXVIII and XX — spent several (well, two) days reviewing game recordings from recent seasons and discovered what they believe are numerous gang-sign applications.

After bribing the cousin of a friend of a custodian in the league office, we were able to purchase a recording of their meeting with Goodell and Gang-Gridiron Liaison Mike Ditka. We now offer a partial transcript of this meeting:

Goodell: Are these the guys, Mike?

Ditka: Hey, you didn't give me much time to find anyone.